Choose wisely: "These words, for better or worse, stay with people," says Natalia Juarez, a relationship coach who helps people navigate breakups. The end of a relationship is a pivotal moment that can splinter your friend's routines, identity, and future plans, and they'll remember the way you showed up for them even when they can no longer summon the exact tint of their ex's eyes.
Beware of common pitfalls that might offend your friend, Juarez cautions, like glibly telling them that time heals all wounds. That kind of "toxic positivity" can "minimize their pain," she says. And resist the temptation to tell them that the best way to get over one person is to -- well, get intimately acquainted with another. "It's insensitive," she says, and both men and women have told her they don't appreciate the quip. Another insulting yet common comment Juarez hears about is "at least you weren't married," which downplays a relationship that might have meant everything even if it wasn't recognized by law. And remember: Broken hearts don't get sewn back together overnight. Never ask your friend why they aren't over the breakup yet.
We asked Juarez and other experts to share the most helpful things to say to someone going through a breakup.
Instead of saying you're sorry to hear about the split (it's not your fault), open the conversation with something neutral that's not loaded with emotion in either direction to get a sense of how your friend is doing, advises Morgan Cope, an assistant professor of psychology at Centre College in Kentucky who researches breakups.